Well Hey Pee Wee

Laurence Fishburne + jheri curl + cowboy hat + kiddie show =
brilliance in the form of Cowboy Curtis

Die Muthafucka

There's gonna be a showdown soon between me and that asshole the sock monster. He has pissed me off for the last time. This morning I went to my sock drawer to find 12 socks with no matches. I feel like I have a stalker and I have no idea where he's hiding. Does he hang out in my bathroom? Was he waiting for me at the laundrymat? Either way, this freak has a fetish for colorful size 5-9 socks with prints like cats and flowers. I don't know what you look like, but I'm going to put this out there and just say that if I catch you creeping around with my laundry I'm gonna take you down hard and fast and shake every last sock out of you. Don't fuck with my feet! It's cold outside and I need some socks!

Ode to the Booty

I have a big booty and I like to shake it.
I can make my butt talk and I don't break it.
Here's to all the big ol asses and their wiggle.
I like to watch the folks when their hiney goes jiggle.

Grease and Grits

Bill and I did laundry last night. We ate dinner at Waffle House and then went next door for beer and wine. We were so white trash. It was great - especially when refused to give up our table to a large group of sorostitute tanorexics. Their fake tans and makeup went perfectly with their J Crew sweaters. But seriously, I didn't know that laundry day could be so much fun. And Hollywood Bill is THE funniest person in Athens.

Looks = Deception

I think that John Waters and I have more in common than he would like to admit. I argued about this with him but he didn't seem convinced. We're both accused by those around us of being pervs and saying/doing things that are dubbed highly inappropriate. And we both look like people who have just walked out of Sunday school to get some ice cream with Grandma. Based on our appearances, people expect us to say "would you like some coffe?" and "so nice to meet you" instead of "you have great tits" or "I just took a giant shit." Sure, we have many enemies as a result, but our lack of social filters also makes us more powerful. Okay, so I'm not a great director but I am really weird and I do get in trouble a lot for the things I say. I am endlessly amused by the people who meet me and say "You seemed like such a nice, innocent little girl" after they hear a string of foulness on par with a sailor's come from me in conversation. "I just say what people are thinking" I defend myself, and then they look at me like "I would never think that" and politely step out of the conversation.
This all makes me miss Chad very much.

Birthday Skwerl

Well it's my birthday again. I'm having some folks over for food and drinks and then it's on to the GO! Bar. I'm looking forward to it. I just hope I don't cringe tomorrow when I see the pictures.
Here's to another year of life and graduate school! I hope an even wiser me is at the end of it.

Freaky Flashback

I can't believe it. The first school I ever went to, Windcrest Elementary in San Antonio, Texas has a website and a virtual photo tour. It was so weird to see how little has changed in the building. It all seemed like a dream, like it never really happened. And this website proves that it did. That school was so awesome - they always had plays, concerts, puppet shows and cool visitors for all the kids. And the playground was huge.

Amazing Grace

This talented man from Nebraska came to save the hipster souls of Athens one rainy night last summer. He is our rock messiah, "The Show is the Rainbow," and he is the funniest show ever. With lyrics like "I wanna go to j-j-j-j-j-j-jail. For f-f-f-f-f-f-fucking you" (a song about being in love with an underage girl)I have to say that I'm a believer. His site, www.theshowistherainbow.com is highly recommended by the converted.
When are you coming back Darren?

Feeling Craptastic

This extended weekend has blown a big asshole. I'm hoping this week gets better. My bday is rolling up on dubs this Saturday, but I really feel down right now. Those of you who know me understand. Sorry so vague - I would rather not go into details just now. Hope your weekend was much better. Thanks for all your help, Mom. Not that I would let you read this blog.

Sick, Stressed yet Sassy

I'm sick but I don't know what I have. I thought it was strep but now I'm not so sure. My insurance just ran out so I'm not going to risk a doctor's appt. They'll probably just tell me it's a virus that they can't give me meds for. But I digres...
I'm at my mom's this weekend and she's doing a great job of feeding me and feeling bad for me. It's actually nice to get away from Athens right now.
If you're reading this and you're not sick, go drink some OJ and take a vitamin. You don't want to be cranky, sweaty and unable to taste rich foods like me.

Can't We all Just Get Along?

The Squirrel Equation of Peace and Love:


PLUS

EQUALS

I'm Just Bein Honest

Two Sexy ATLiens.

I love a good hip-hop song like anyone else. Well, even though I am a white product of suburbia and I am a huge nerd.

Here are some choice lyrics to brighten your day!

"James Bond, Jackie Chan and that bitch McGuyver"
"Slow down Wayne, you know it's all on me"
"I'll be fuckin bad bitches. I like my dick sucked fast. I like to fuck em in the ass while you be up the pussy"
#1Stunner Hot Boyz

"Ni**a quit bein so goddamn selfish. Put it in your pelvis. Let it work. Gyrate." I'll Call before I Come Outkast

"her neck was smelling sweeter than a plate of yams with extra syrup" SpottieOttieDopalicious Outkast

"Straight laid her, slayed the bitch like Darth Vader"
"She said, 'Let's hit the parking lot so I can sick your duck'
Da Art of Storytellin 1 Outkast

"Smoke weed everday" The Next Episode Nate Dogg

"Here I go, trying to change a hoe into a lady. Knahmean?" Slick Rick Da Art of Storytellin 1 Remix

"I can take it like a pro you know. My hormones jumpin like a disco" Sock it to me Missy Elliot

"My grammar be's ebonics, gin tonic and chronic" Country Grammar Nelly

I think this excerpt proves that most vulgar is definitely awarded to Lil Kim:
"I've been a lot of places, seen a lot of faces.Ah hell I even fuck with different races.Dan my ni**a from Down South used to like me to spank him and cum in his mouth
Puerto Rican papi, used to be a Deacon. But now he be sucking me off on the weekend.And this black dude I called King Kong He had a big ass dick and a hurricane tongue" How Many Licks Lil Kim

I Like to Make Ears Red

I just want to give a shout out to birth control for keeping me baby free for the past 5 years. You're awesome, man. You really helped me avoid making some of my exes some potentially terrible baby daddys.
Our anniversary is coming up and I was wondering if you could lower your price for me as a gift. And I promise to stay with you until I hit menopause or decide to have children. And I will quit smoking at some point.
Thanks for everything. I really needed that boost of estrogen and the possible lowered risk of cancer. Oh, and the "future insurance".

Nothing Ever Happens on Mars

"Mars?! Where's that?!"

What a great movie. I never get tired of Christopher Guest. Or Wes Anderson for that matter. Most craptastic "comedy" movies that are supposed to be funny don't make me laugh. Like the whole theater will be laughing and slapping their legs and I'm just sitting their forcing a chuckle or smiling a little. I seem to find more humor on TV these days - Reno911, Dave Chappelle, Strangers with Candy. Those make me laugh more than Team America did. It's not like I have a superior or refined mind, it's b/c my sister and I share a very bizarre, dark sense of humor that most people don't understand. And could only be cultivated in a christian suburbia home with OCD parents. Not many people make me laugh until I cry, but if they do I'm a fan forever. :)

Aftermath

This is how I feel today. I went out dancing last night with some she-devils/friends and we ran into a large group at GO! bar. After 2 glasses of wine I was ready to dance for 3 hours straight. I woke up at 6:30 still drunk. So basically I'm a lightweight. But I had a wonderful time - the Twin Powers packed the house and rocked it down.
I have been reading a lot this week. I've read "Oh Pioneers" by Willa Cather and "The Water is Wide" by Pat Conroy - they're both worth reading. Some fun reading material before I feel guilty reading fiction b/c I haven't read for my classes. School starts Monday. I'm not ready.

Now With Photos

I started a Photoblog through buzznet! The link is on the sidebar under my profile.
It only took me an hour to figure it out. Okay, 2 hours.
I went ahead and posted some NYC trip pics up there. They're not what you would call "riveting" or "artistic", but they are from my new digital camera. Yay.

La Tigre

Well I'm back in Athens from my NYC trip and I'm ready to kick more grad school ass. Just kidding. I'm really zoned out and missing the city - and not wanting to clean my dirty apartment. At least I still have a week to collect myself before I run the gauntlet of 2nd semester. It's going to be a bitch - I can already smell the stress from here.
If only I looked like my personality - which very closely resembles Grace Jones -then I could saunter into my dept and get A's just by staring people down or singing to them while prowling around like a cougar. I could really inspire fear and respect - no one would ever laugh at me when I would joke that I could take them out. And I could speak French and eat people for breakfast.